Colwen Grounds

New Stuff

2011-04-20T13:15:00.003-05:00

Okie dokie, a bunch of stuff has happened since I last posted. Though why I'm bothering to make a semicoherent post here is beyond me; Lord knows if anyone even reads this.

Anyway, Joanna has a job and now I'm unemployed. I was laid off in December. (Yes, I can spell: I had to correct "laid". I originally typed "layed". Wow.) But I was paid (I almost did it again!) through February and received a stipend as well. I'm not going to go into details about it, since we're not supposed to and because they may be searching for people talking about it. But rumor has it that they're going to do another mass purge of employees in June. I can understand logically why the company laid off who they did, but emotionally I'm not over it yet, and doubt I ever will be. I expected to be there for many more years.

Jackie and Justin are still in Georgia, coming down tomorrow for Easter and the babies' birthdays. Bailey is 8 now (where does the time go?) and absolutely loves art! Hayden turned three on the 14th, and Jake turned two on March 31st. And they're both about the same size. Jake is considered small for his age, but Hayden is extremely small, only in the 7th percentile. Ooh! Recent update from yesterday! Hayden got her ears pierced! She looks cute, and I understand why people get their kids' ears pierced when they're babies, so they don't play with them and get used to them faster, but I think kids should be older and given the choice. Maybe it's because we were, I dunno.

Momma and Daddy had to move. Well, Jackie and Joanna and I made them move. It was the weekend of March 11th, and Jackie and Justin came down and rented a UHaul. They had a month and a half beforehand to get everything ready, Joanna and I being there most of the time to help, and we were able to move most everything, but not all unfortunately, into a storage unit that Joanna's paying for. We moved them into Aunt Loraine's house, Momma and Daddy getting Aunt Janet's old room after we switched the furniture, and Jimmy got the spare room. And now he never comes out. Jimmy is still jobless, though we've all been trying, and tempers are rapidly escalating over it. Also escalating are the snarky comments and hurt feelings over little things and stupid things that could easily be worked out if everyone just talked. But they can't sit down together to have a civil conversation because they're all too much alike and proud and martyr-ish. We're getting sick of it and are starting to not want to come over. They tell us that we have our own lives, but they need us here as either mediators or security blankets or something and expect us to hold their hands all the time! How can we have lives if we're constantly there? We love them all very much but this is getting ridiculous. They're adults and need to act like them.

In other news, Jenny and Kristian are being foreclosed on as well, and Jenny's pregnant again with a girl, due sometime in June. We don't know the name yet; they're still trying to find a suitable middle name before they tell anyone the first name, supposedly.

And I think that's all for now. If I think of anything, I hope it won't be another two-and-a-half years before I post again. . .

Almost a Year Later. . .

2008-10-20T21:07:00.003-05:00

As is typical for me, I am remiss in my posting. It's been almost a year, and nothing has really happened to me. Not personally anyway. I did get a full-time position in April, meaning I get paid vacations and insurance and all, so that's cool. Joanna is still unemployed. And stressed. I feel so bad for her, but I don't know what to do to help her. She internalizes her stress and it makes her health take a down-turn.

We're going to be aunts again! Jackie's daughter, Bailey, is 6, and she's just had another baby girl in April: Hayden Mae. And she's pregnant again! She's due next April. And Jennifer is pregnant! She's due to have her first baby in November, a little boy, with a tentative name being Joshua Zachary.

Now we've just got to get Jackie's family moved back to Florida (there's a house next-door to ours that's available), and we'll be one big happy family. :-)

Oh, and I will be doing something for Halloween this year! Provided I'm not working in the evening, of course. I have thrown together a costume (Nessarose) complete with glittering red shoes, and will be handing out candy to the trick-or-treaters. Now if I can just get Joanna to dress as Elphaba. . .

Happy Wicked Day/Halloween!

2007-10-30T22:50:00.000-05:00

I put both in the title, just in case the time changes over to the 31st before I get a chance to post. Today (the 30th) is Wicked Day, the anniversary of the day that Wicked opened on Broadway in 2003. I wore my peridot earrings for the occasion. I couldn't exactly dress up any more because I worked and had to wear my uniform. Anyway, the same goes for tomorrow (in one minute) morning; I work, so I can't dress up. I will, however, be wearing the new black-and-white-striped socks that Joanna bought for me today as a partial Nessarose costume. I'll see if I have some red earrings or something. . .

By the way, Joanna and I have graduated! Woohoo! It's only been, what? A few months since I've posted. . . Funnily enough, the lady I was just complaining about in my last post turned out to be a really nifty friend that I worked with in our final project. True, she wasn't there for the performance (she slept in or something) but she did help write it and stage it and everything. We were at the theatre the night before until at least one or two in the morning. I was back there at probably 8, so I don't really see what the problem was. But I'm not bitter. :-) Her friend was there to see the show and so Beth and I begged her to stand in for Lynne, reading the script onstage. It went okay. Bob, the professor, said he was proud of me for going on with it even though Lynne wasn't there, not being a theatre major and all.

So, anyway, we're still working, Joanna and I, at the museum and Busch Gardens, respectively. Joanna is losing her job in December and doesn't have another one lined up, so I'm a bit concerned there. But she's a smart little cookie and I'm sure she's thinking of something. I've been passed over for a few promotions, all different (Part-time supervisor, Regular kitchen attendant, and Assistant auditor), so I'm a bit fed up with the whole system. They promote people who don't deserve it and some who don't even want it, they just want the paycheck! I would call it quits on applying, but Janet (my manager) says that they'll be opening up some new regular positions at the beginning of the new year, so maybe I'll apply.

And now, Happy Halloween! I won't be trick-or-treating, but I will be home in time to give out candy. I hope we get some kids!

Gideons

2007-01-31T11:05:00.000-05:00

Some people make me sick. No, not the Gideons. The ones who make me sick are all of the people who think the Gideons ram religion down their throats.

They were on campus today, passing out New Testaments at each of the buildings. There are a lot of buildings and a lot of Gideons, so I'm sure people are feeling inundated by all of their offers, but still. Why be mean? Outside of my class today, we were talking about it, and this one woman was comparing them to the so-called Evangelists who "preach" outside of Cooper Hall! Now they are cramming it down peoples' throats, screaming and telling everyone they're going to Hell for their sins. The Gideons however are very passive in their approach; they ask you if you want one, holding it out, and if you take it or not, they tell you to have a nice day. I usually take one when they come to campus and politely decline other offers, but I smile and reply to their comments. Why do people have to be so mean?

Song of the Day #2

2007-01-19T22:49:00.000-05:00

For some reason, my last two posts weren't showing up, but now they are. Very strange. . . ANYway, here's another completely random song. So random, in fact, that I'm still deciding what song to type. Gimme a sec. . .

Okay, got it. This is from Wicked, a musical about the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda the Good Witch of the North as they grew up together, meeting at school. They started hating each other, then became best friends. This is when they actually began getting along.

Popular

Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I, and let's face it -who isn't?- less fortunate than I. My tender heart tends to start to bleed. And when someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over. I know I know exactly what they need. And even in your case, though it's the toughest case I've yet to face, don't worry! I'm determined to succeed! Follow my lead and yes, indeed, you will be. . .

Popular! You're gonna be pop-u-lar! I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce! Ooh! I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair. Everything that really counts to be popular. I'll help you be pop-u-lar! You'll hang with the right cohorts, you'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know! So let's start 'cause you've got an awfully long way to go. Don't be offended by my frank analysis; think of it as personality dialysis. Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister and adviser, there's nobody wiser! Not when it comes to popular. I know about pop-u-lar! And with an assist from me to be who you'll be, instead of dreary who you were. Well, are. There's nothing that can stop you from becoming pop-u-ler. . . -lar. La, la, la-a, la. We're gonna make you pop-u-lar!

When I see depressing creatures with unpreposessing features, I remind them on their own behalf to think of celebrated heads of state or especially-great communicators. Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They were popular! Please. . . It's all about pop-u-lar. It's not about aptitude, it's the way you're viewed. So it's very shrewd to be very very popular like me!

*Spoken* And now, I'm going to change your plain old frock into a beautiful ballgown! *waves training wand like a baton* Ballgown. *Nothing happens. Waves it again, furiously.* Ballgown! *Elphaba cowers, but nothing happens. Glinda begins whacking the wand against her bed.* Is this thing on? *Elphaba speaks* Want me to try? *Glinda throws the wand over her shoulder.* Oh just wear the frock. It's pretty! And now, for the finishing touch. . . *She takes the pink flower from her hair and pins it in Elphie's.* Ooh, pink goes good with green. *She hands Elphie a mirror.* Why Miss Elphaba, look at you! You're beautiful! *Elphaba* I- I have to go. *She runs off.* *Glinda* You're welcome. . .

*Glinda sings* And though you protest your disinterest, I know clandestinely. . . You're gonna grin and bear it, your newfound popularity! La, la, la-a, la! You'll be popular! Just not quite as popular as me!

I hate performing

2007-01-17T11:16:00.000-05:00

I had to play today in my Intro to Theatre class. Well, I didn't have to play, that's what I chose to do. I think I thoroughly embarassed myself.

Everyone else did really nifty stuff: they read poetry, either original or published; recited stories; talked about their life experiences; and danced. No one else played an instrument. I felt extremely out of place. And it sucked majorly. I didn't think I'd be so nervous. I hardly looked at the class itself, mostly at the music, but I think the Horn psyched me out. I had vibrato, for crying out loud! I never have vibrato when I'm nervous! I don't think I have ever played that badly. At one point, I flubbed some fingerings and had to stop for a second to regain my bearings. Yeah, I sucked. . .

But at least now it's over with. And I know that I am my own worst critic, so hopefully other people don't think it was quite as bad as I do.

Song of the Day #1

2007-01-15T00:05:00.000-05:00

I know, I should be sleeping since it is after midnight here, and I have to be at work at 8:30, but I wanted to post something anyway. . .

This song is from Jekyll and Hyde, and is sung by Lucy (Linda Eder). (The picture is a different person, though the correct scene in the show.)

A New Life
A new life. . . What I wouldn't give to have a new life. One thing I have learned as I go through life, nothing is for free along the way. A new start. That's the thing I need to give me new heart. Half a chance in life to find a new part, just a simple role that I can play. A new hope. Something to convince me to renew hope. A new day, bright enough to help me find my way. A new chance. One that maybe has a touch of romance. Where can it be, the chance for me?
A new dream. I have one I know that very few dream. I would like to see that overdue dream, even though it never may come true. A new love, though I know there's no such thing as true love. Even so, although I never knew love, still I feel that one dream is my due.
A new world! This one thing I want to ask of you, world. Once, before it's time to say "adieu world", one sweet chance to prove the cynics wrong. A new life. More and more, I'm sure as I go through life, just to play the game and to pursue life, just to share it's pleasures and belong. . . That's what I've been here for all along! Each day's a brand new life!

Happy New Year!

2007-01-12T23:37:00.001-05:00

Happy 2007 everyone! Sorry it's been so long since I've posted, but I couldn't think of anything particularly significant to post about. Hopefully this will be a much brighter post than my last one. But first, the bad news: our aunt's dog, Penny, passed away a few days before Christmas. Our aunt had been at work all day, and it hurt her that she couldn't be there when it happened. And then she couldn't get ahold of anyone to tell the news to. Joanna and I got home half an hour after she left a message on our answering machine. We felt so bad. Anyway, things are slowly getting back to some semblance of normal. . .
In other news, the Spring semester has started. The first week has officially ended and we are relatively intact. Joanna has three classes and I have two: Intro to Theatre and Music, Machines and Performance (the latter with Joanna). They seem really interesting.
The theatre class is gonna be kinda scary since it will bring me way out of my comfort zone. We'll be doing a lot of solo and group work. For example, on Wednesday, I have to do a one-minute performance in front of the whole class. Everyone has to do it, anything they want, so long as it will hold the audience's attention. We had one girl today act out being a monkey. Another person told a story about playing mini golf and the trials he had with that, and another person sang a song. There were a lot of monologues and some improv things (people didn't know what to do, so they just talked for a minute). I was thinking about playing an excerpt from a Horn concerto, but I don't know how stupid I'd look. First off, I haven't played in forever. Second, no one else has played anything. How entertaining is a bad rendition of a chopped up Mozart horn concerto? Maybe I'll get a laugh, even though that's not quite what I'm going for. . .
Our Humanities class seems pretty cool. There are a few grad students in there, though, so a bunch of the conversations they have go over my head. Not because I don't understand them, but because they are so rapid-fire they're hard to follow. How can they think that fast with such big words? It's beyond me. :-/ And as long as I can stay awake while my lunch is just starting to kick in midway through class, I should be doing okay.
Graduation is only a semester away! I can't wait!! I only hope I pass all my classes and get my recital attendance done.

Aunt Janet

2006-10-27T23:34:00.000-05:00

Our Aunt Janet turned 50 just over a month ago. She spent her birthday in the hospital, recovering from a gangrened-apendectomy. The doctors were amazed at her miraculous recovery; they said things would get worse before they got better and gave her a button to press for pain relief, but she never used it. She felt little to no pain and was back at work in no time! This past Saturday, we had a birthday party for Joanna and Daddy (who unfortunately had to work) and Aunt Janet was so happy, as happy as I've ever seen her.
The next morning, around 6:15, she was taking a shower and collapsed. Later, we found out it was a cardiac arythmia which caused her to pass out and led to cardiac arrest. She stopped breathing for 15 minutes until the paramedics got there. Her heart and lungs were doing okay under the circumstances, but due to lack of oxygen for so long, there was major damage done to her brain stem. After three EEG's (one with a sedative, one weaning her off the sedative, and one completely off the sedative), all with the same results, it was said that she had no brain activity. She passed away Thursday morning around 7:30. She always had touch-and-go heart problems, and had been diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, but to happen so suddenly was (and still is) completely mind-blowing.
She taught high school math for 29 years, most of those at Chamberlain High School. She was always ready to help us with schoolwork, math or otherwise. Have a paper to do and don't know how to go about starting it? "Just do it. Get it done." And she always told the best stories! I don't know what else to write about her, other than it was too soon for her to go; there was so much more that we were going to do!

We love you Aunt Janet! We miss you so much, but we know you're happy in Heaven and we will see you again!

((The picture was taken Saturday night at the party, with Aunt Loraine in the background))

Update!

2006-10-08T23:05:00.000-05:00

It's been another long stretch since I've posted. Not that anyone reads this (except Karen because she rocks!), but here's a quick update on life since I last posted:
School's back in. Ugh! But I'm only taking two classes: Baroque and Classic Music History, and Architecture and Decor (which is almost kicking my butt). And I'm only working two, maybe three days a week, so that's not too bad except on the paycheck. I must be on someone's bad side, though, since they are having me work double shifts on the days I do work (like 9:30am to 1am this coming Friday, for example) back to back!
Hopefully, that will be fixed soon and I can get some sleep! Wicked is coming back to Tampa and I'm getting tickets for us through Busch Gardens. I'm so excited! On top of that, Joanna and I are going to see Jack Jones in concert (for $10 a ticket!)! Woohoo!
I may not be making more money at work, but I'm getting my financial situation in order. Always a good thing. I'm dumping a credit card that had an extortionate interest rate and I just got another card with a much better one to transfer most of the balance to. It's a happy day for me when my monthly interest rate fee is less than my minimum payment due.
Two CDs are coming out that I really want to get: Evanescence's "The Open Door" (already out, but I'm saving my pennies for Wicked), and Josh Groban's "Awake" (Nov. 7). The latter CD I will be purchasing the day it comes out! My willpower isn't quite that strong to resist the call of Josh. . .

And on a completely different note, why do animals and children always get the short end of the stick? Our neighbors have the sweetest dog. It's black and is a fairly large breed. They always leave it tied up outside, and the leash they use often gets tangled around the tree it's attached to and the dog gets caught up in it as well. I never see them play with him and he rarely has food or water outside. They treat him so badly and he's such a sweet-tempered dog! There is a chainlink fence between our yards and if he's close enough and there's no one outside, I will often go and pet him or give him a little treat. Whenever he sees me and Joanna, he stands up and his tail just starts going! If it wasn't illegal and we had room in the house, I'd say let's kidnap the little guy and keep him! Unfortunately, we don't have the indoor room (though we have plenty outdoors) and our four cats may mind a little bit, besides the fact that he's already owned and I would be stealing. . . Dang it.
As to our aunts' poor dog, Penny, she is at least 15 years old. She is a Lhasa apso and Daschund mix; she's short, long and has a lot of fur. At this present moment, she is nothing but skin and bones, has patchy fur to say the least, has no appetite, can't go outside by herself (most of the time, can't even move by herself!), and she is nearly completely blind and deaf. She's been having accidents lately, and since she has been unable to move she's been laying in them. They would give her a bath, but they say it would be too much for her. They say she has her good days and her bad days, but to me, they are all bad days! I know they don't want to have to let go of her since they've had her for so long, but they need to do what's best for her! She has to be suffering. Every time I see her, I wonder if it'll be the last time. The poor baby just needs to go to sleep. Why can't they do what's best for her and let her go? :*-(

It's Been Awhile

2006-08-21T21:12:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted here. Our computer had been dead for the longest time -the modem, anyway- but we finally got a new one so everything's dandy. I just have nothing new to write about. . .
Our cousin, Nova, will be in town tomorrow night, and so we're all meeting her for dinner. I'll have to speed (not literally) from work to South Tampa. Bad enough I was supposed to work a rib shift tomorrow, but they changed my schedule so I'm working a pot room shift instead, 11 to 7, with no way I'm leaving early. But in the morning, everyone -Momma, Daddy, Jackie, Justin, Bailey, Jimmy, Jennifer and Joanna- is going to the Zoo. They're meeting here between 8:30 and 9, hoping they open around 9. Joanna suggested that I go with them for an hour or so, but I think I'd prob'ly only be there for thirty minutes, and I'd be so anxious about work that I wouldn't enjoy any of it. I could be very irresponsible and just call in, but I would never do that. Responsibility sucks sometimes. . .
Oh, I got Rent for my birthday. Amazing musical! And I'm so happy they got most of the original cast to be in it. They were so good! And I couldn't imagine anyone else in those roles. Now they just need to do that with Wicked and I'll be happy!

One Perfect Moment

2006-06-26T21:59:00.000-05:00

I was at work today, putzing around as usual, when a memory just popped into my head. I don't know why, I certainly don't know what spurred it, but it made me smile. After having a crappy day at work, I needed a smile, however brief. Anyway, it was about me playing the Horn. I know, I'm not the best horn player in the world (don't I wish!), but there was one time where I was great and everyone heard it. It didn't even feel or sound like it was me playing. It was effortless. And it sounded perfect. :-) This was during Symphony Band, when Sid was directing (I still miss him!), and I was in second chair (this was the second-chair-by-default semester). For some reason, Josh (first chair) wasn't there and he had a very short -maybe two measures- horn solo. I still remember how it goes, but I can't remember the title or who composed it for the life of me. Well, they needed someone to fill the gap, so I played it. I was extremely nervous and was surprised I got any notes out at all! Anyway, I played it and it was flawless! Everyone just looked at me. . . and Sid smiled. That was such a great day. I'm smiling thinking about it right now.
I love memories like that. . . :-)

The Light in the Piazza

2006-06-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

We just saw a live version of this musical/opera on PBS the other day. It was sooo good! I hesitate to call it a musical, even though it is under the musical category, since many of the songs are operatic in structure and style. They sound more like arias and recitatives. But that definitely does not fetract from my enjoyment of it at all! I thought it was wonderful. Starting even before the Overture, where they tell you to turn off your cell phones, etc. (they did it in Italian!) until the very last tableau (ooh, big word!), it was amazing! And I really connected with the story of Clara. In some ways, I feel a lot like her: very naive about things, both socially and personally. I also feel like her because I always think, in some paranoid corner of my mind, that people go around behind me and preceeding me saying that I'm "special", and that is why people humor me when I talk to them or ask them questions.
If someone were to read through all of my posts here, they would think I have some serious personal issues. . . And they would be right.
But seriously, I am not very comfortable with myself or how others perceive me, I have low self-esteem, and no confidence whatsoever in my capabilities. I need a complete "Me" makeover. . .

Title change?

2006-06-22T22:21:00.000-05:00

I had seriously thought about changing the title of my blog here, but it just seems like too much work and ya never know if it'll just delete everything, so I'm not gonna chance it. I was thinking of changing it to Anonymous Nessarose. Seems to fit better than Colwen Grounds.
Anyway, nothing new here. Momma, Daddy and Jimmy are leaving to go up to Georgia to visit the Hurlburt trio and to do some other assorted things. They left us with Peadut. Yes, you read that right. "Peadut." That's what Bailey used to call Peanut, and I've kinda taken over with that. So we get to pet-sit him for a week. Should be interesting. Skittles hates him, and is still hiding behind the rocker next to the door, and Zero is perched on top of the couch closest to the wall air conditioner. Haven't even seen Anya; she's hiding on top of the Cedar Robe in Joanna's room. Kit is the only one who is interacting with him. They've picked right up where they left off: Peanut annoying Kit, and Kit taking it.
Time to go to sleep. Here's hoping the dog doesn't pee in my bed. . .

A Bit Insecure

2006-06-06T22:27:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but I am insecure about a lot of things. One being other girls. I know, I sound like some freak for saying that, but for some reaon, I'm more comfortable around guys than girls. Like at work, when we get new people, I'm always shy, but if it's a girl, I get even more shy and a twinge jealous. It's weird, but I almost feel as though another girl would take away my friends, or cause them to like her more than me.

And I have to have something unique about myself. In my family, it's playing the French Horn. True, two of my other sisters played in high school, but I'm the only one who continued through college (though I haven't seriously played or practiced in about a year or so since I'm not in any ensembles). That's my special thing. At school, it's not so special. I'm low man on the totem pole at USF. I was almost wearing butt marks into the last chair seat in Symphony Band until some of the higher-seated students left and I got second chair by default. I'm not saying I completely suck, but I'm really not that great. Anyway, I feel like I have to special at something, and when someone new comes along, that threatens my specialness. I already feel like a wallflower in everything I do. Why can't I be genuinely good at something and be happy? Am I always going to be mediocre? I know other people are always going to be better at things than me, but I want to be actually good at something!

At work, I always feel a little (okay, a lot!) jealous of the dancers that come into the breakroom. They're always so pretty and they're so talented. They're doing something that they love. I feel like Eponine to their Cosette, always hoping for a little recognition that never comes. In my paranoid mind, I feel like they're judging me; looking at my baggy, high-waisted pants, my printed shirt, my always-fashionable dirty apron, my hair pulled up and falling down, and the piece de resistance: my almost-to-the-elbow yellow rubber gloves! Why can't I do what I want to do? Why can't Busch Gardens have a live ensemble so I can use what little talent I have? Oh yeah, because someone more talented than me will come along and audition for the seat and get it with flying colors! Is it sad that sometimes I just want to scream "I'm a musician!" when I'm at work, so that someone passing by will not think that I'm looking to make a career out of cooking fries, cutting chicken and washing pans?

On a Brighter Note

2006-05-25T17:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, now that I've told you all of the bad things that are going on in school, let me give you the brighter side of things. . .

I passed all of my Spring classes! I got an A+ (how'd I do that?!) in Lit and the Occult. I got an A- in Survey of Jazz (would've had an A+ if that one test had gone through correctly, but I'm not complaining). And I got a B in German Cinema (either she was being really nice or she thought she lost my paper. . .).

Amazingly, I was able to return all of my books, minus the ProCopy book but including the CDRom, for a full refund. I was able to do this only because I had documentation that I dropped the class.

Now that I don't have a summer class to worry about, I can concentrate more fully on work and earn more money (always a plus!). Maybe then we can take over a few bills from the Hayes household and take some of the burden off of them.

Also, if I'm graduating next May, I won't be quite as rushed to get everything done. There won't be a last-minute frenzy to complete my recital attendance (The last day of the semester
: "What do you mean I still have five left?!") , and I won't have a heart attack trying to find an upper level theatre class in the fall.

So I guess it all works out for the best. I wonder what my adviser will say about my graduation date? He thought I would be graduating in August. Yeah right. . .

Perpetual Failure

2006-05-20T19:59:00.000-05:00

It seems as though no matter what I do, things never seem to go right for me. I am a week into an online class, Theatre History I, and I just dropped it. I've never dropped a class before, and of course I was a day late to get my money back. The class was $298, and the books cost over $120, which include a ProCopy book (nonreturnable), and a CDRom (also nonreturnable). Lord knows if I will be physically taking this class in the future, and I don't know if I'll even get my full refund if I return the books now. Because I dropped this class -which seemed ridiculously difficult even for a physical class, and seemed so to Joanna who has taken hard stuff before- I will have to stay for another semester, and will (again, hopefully) be graduating in May with Joanna. It has taken me eight years to get a stupid BA degree. It shouldn't have been that hard. Joanna said that it is different for me, since I'm working to put myself through school and all, but I just feel like the worst failure at everything I do. All of my friends have long since graduated, and Joanna's friends are graduating in the Spring. I don't know what I want to do with my glorified piece of paper when I get it, I don't even know that I want to teach. But I know that there is a desperate need for teachers. I don't want to feel guilted into it though, simply because they need teachers. But what else would I do? I don't even know that I could teach. I am not a good public speaker; I'm downright awful at it. I don't have good organizational skills, and I need someone above me constantly telling me what to do and when to do it.

I think I'm making up for not posting here in over a month by such a long post now. Any thoughts? Comments? I'm open to suggestions. Help!

Edited to add: Looking at my last post, "wouldn't it suck if I had to stay another semester because of one class", I think I jinxed myself. Figures. . .

School's Out!

2006-05-03T16:45:00.000-05:00

Halleluia!! Summer has officially started for me! :-) I wrote a paper this morning and worked on a paper this afternoon. I'm so happy it's all over! Now I hope I just pass my classes. . . Wouldn't that suck, to have to stay another semester because of one class. . . I also hope that I pass all of my classes next semester, too, and that I get all of my recital attendance done. Anyway, woohoo, school's out!

Happy and Sad, with Ramblings

2006-04-12T22:17:00.000-05:00

I'm having conflicting emotions at the moment.

On the one hand, I'm happy because "I'm found!" (see last post). I talked to Joanna over lunch, and we thought that Fairies would be a good topic to write about for my Occult paper. I also have a topic for my German cinema paper: Sunset Boulevard directed by Billy Wilder. I love that movie. So that's the good stuff. . .

On the other hand, I have so much crap to do for school, it's not even funny. And it's due by Friday, and Joanna has to write a paper for tomorrow night's class, so I won't get any computer time until I take her to school (Not that I'm blaming you for this, Joanna, but it does suck having only one computer for two very computer-needy people). On top of this mess, I just watched nearly all of the most depressing and graphic movies I've ever seen. It was The Passion of the Christ. I missed the beginning, since I had to practice with the choir for Sunday, but I saw most of it, and I'm still pretty moved by it. I don't know if I'd watch it again, simply because it's such a heavy, graphic film.

Speaking of being moved by things, music is amazing. I can watch the saddest thing on tv and not cry, but throw in some heartwrenching music and I'm a goner. Things that really get to me: children singing, SATB choirs a capella, sweeping melodies (the melody usually jumping from I to VI), and unrequited-love songs in musicals. One thing that has gotten to me recently, and every time I hear it, I want to cry because it's so pretty, is Nessun Dorma sung by Sarah Brightman on her Classics CD. At the very end of the song, she sings the last note with no background, it's just her, and then the orchestra and voices come sweeping back in with the melody. The chorus's last note is a capella as well *goosebumps!*, before the orchestra comes back for the final emphatic chord.

I don't know what it is about music, but it moves me. It can make me cry, it can make me smile, it can make me laugh. . . Music is just amazing, and I can not imagine life, not just my life, but Life in general without it.

I'm lost!

2006-04-12T10:51:00.000-05:00

I have no clue what to do my paper on for Literature and the Occult. I've thought of a couple of things, but when I go and look them up online, I get a creepy feeling. I've tried music and the occult, and came up with heavy metal/rock, and all of the drug-using/satanist groups you can think of. I just recently tried Masonry and the Occult, and got hateful pages about how Masonry is a cult promoting the work of Satan. I also tried Tarot cards, which we discussed in class today. The top five hits were for free readings, but the sixth was an information page about the Tarot. I might go with that, but I don't know if that's a broad enough topic for a paper. . . I don't know what to do. Everything I've researched gives me the heebie-jeebies.

I'll just have to bug Joanna about what to do. :-P

Draw a Pig Personality Test

2006-04-10T21:05:00.000-05:00

http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/large.asp?id=1020181&p=0&hof=1&q=personality+test http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/2006/4/11/1020181.jpg Click to view my test results!

This is the link to see my pig, and I hope it works! I don't think my results matched me at all. Well, that's a lie, some of them did, but some of them did not. Anyway, try it and see what you get!

Is It Summer Already?

2006-04-07T22:08:00.000-05:00

It's so hot in here! Our air conditioning has been broken for a few weeks now (I think). It doesn't feel too terribly bad in the morning right after we get up, but as the day wears on, it gets hotter and hotter. By the time we go to bed at night, it's stifling! We're trying to keep as many lights off as we can, and keep the fans on as high as we can (though mine wobbles a lot at medium or high speed), but it doesn't seem to help much. On the bright side, as Joanna pointed out, our electric bill will be very low this month! Poor Joanna, she can't stand hot weather. This is the woman who wants to move to Alaska! I personally can not stand cold weather, but having the house at at least 75 degrees would be nice. . . If I wanted to sweat like a pig right after I got up in the morning, I'd join marching band again! ;-) Hope y'all are cooler than we are right now!

Quizilla

2006-04-04T22:44:00.000-05:00

I couldn't post my results, but maybe it'll let me post the actual quiz. . .
http://www.quizilla.com/users/imbugabooin/quizzes/Which%20Character%20from%20the%20Book%20%26lt%3Bi%26gt%3BWicked%3A%20The%20Life%20and%20Times%20of%20the%20Wicked%20Witch%20of%20the%20West%26lt%3B%5Ci%26gt%3B%20Are%20You%20the%20Most%20Lik

Anonymous Nessarose

2006-04-02T17:56:00.000-05:00

I don't think anyone has ever come to my blog. This place is too big for anyone to know I'm here. Even if they did, I have no way of knowing because they don't comment. The only people who know I have this are whoever decides to check my profile on a couple sites I frequent and a couple family members who don't come here anyway. . .

It's pretty sad to know that you're completely alone on the internet. You can do anything on here and no one knows you exist.

Just thought I'd comment on my own alone-ness.

Picture

2006-04-01T23:08:00.000-05:00

All alone and loveless here

Just the girl in the mirror

Just her and me

The Wicked Witch of the East

We deserve each other. . .

Musical theatre

2006-04-01T22:08:00.000-05:00

This is obvious, but I love musicals!! The first professional musical I saw live was "The Phantom of the Opera" in 10th grade. I've seen it a few more times since, and I've also seen "Cats" four or five times (once on Broadway!), "Les Miserables" a few times, and "Beauty and the Beast" once. Oh, and of course. . . "WICKED"!!! :-D

I love the secondary characters in musicals (B&tB being an exception). Meg in "Phantom", Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer in "Cats", Eponine and Javert in "Les Miz", and Nessarose and Boq in "Wicked". If my sisters and I decide to go out for Halloween, we're gonna go as the three witches from "Wicked", Joanna and Jackie being either Glinda or Elphaba, and me being Nessa. That will be so much fun!

I think working in the theatre would be the best job ever! Rehearsing every day, doing what you love, wearing nifty costumes, getting the thrill of performing night after night for an audience who paid to be there. . . That would be the life! I would love to be in the theatre, if only in a small part, maybe in the ensemble. That would be my dream job. I know it's not all sunshine and roses; there will be people you have to work with that you can't stand, hard days rehearsing, some things that don't go over well in a show, but that's life, too. Nothing can go perfectly, I realize that. But to work in the theatre. . . *sigh* I would be so happy. I often imagine what it would be like to be on stage, with hundreds of people watching me, doing something and doing it well. It makes me smile. But then I also realize that I'm a triple-non-threat: can't sing, dance, or act. I like to think I can sing decently. I mean, I'm no Sarah Brightman or Idina Menzel, but I can carry a tune, and I'm sure I could get better with coaching. I know for a fact that I can't dance. I'm too stiff. I can march, though! Nine years of marching band! Woo! Anyway, I'm sure that could be better with some coaching as well. . . And acting, well, I act when I sing, does that count? I'm sure I could do it with (you guessed it!) a little coaching. If I had nothing else going on in my life to where I could devote it solely to an aspiring theatre career, I would be so good! I betcha I would! I wouldn't delude myself by moving to New York or anything like that. I'd audition for small community theatres where I live, hoping for a small part and build credibility that way. I could just see myself doing well! :-) But I also know that everyone else who has ever seen or heard a musical or play has had the exact same thought as well. I'd have no chance. I'm not good enough to play in the orchestra for a musical; those are all freelance musicians who play multiple instruments and practice 8 hours a day because they have nothing else to do!

And now I'm typing myself into depression because I'm thinking of things I can never do. I'll quit while I'm ahead and leave it at that.

Life still sucks

2006-03-31T08:13:00.000-05:00

First reason: I woke up to a lake of cat pee in my bed this morning. Now, I don't know which of the four did it, but I have a pretty good idea. I don't know why they did it, but I just hope it's not because they're sick. Needless to say, I woke up in a pretty crappy mood. Thank goodness I didn't have to work till 11 today, so that I could wash my sheets.

Second reason (very closely related to the first reason): The cats are getting worse!! You can't turn around anymore without hearing Zero growling or crying because Kit won't leave her alone. Now, I don't blame just Kit. He knows he can get a reaction from her, but Zero should either fight back (not that they're actually fighting; mostly just batting at each other) or run away. She seems to walk right into the situations.

Third reason: No money. (see my last post).

Fourth reason: There aren't enough hours in the day. Homework is backed up, dishes are piling in the sink, and I have loads of unfolded laundry in my room. I wish I had one of those Staples Easy Buttons. . .

Anyway, I should be doing homework, as usual. Hope everyone has a better day than me!

Anybody own a money tree?

2006-03-22T11:49:00.000-05:00

Two words: money sucks. Pretty much everyone in our family is broke right now. And you know it's bad when our aunts have no money. They just had to pay $3000 for a homestead tax, when they could have been exempt. All they had to do was make a phone call and ask a question. They've been living there for at least a year, but they didn't think they could get exemption because Momma's name is first on the deed.

Anyway, I told them we could take a couple of our house's bills off their hands, but they replied that we have no money either. I think I know how much money I have better than they do. Though I did put my foot in my mouth last night when I mentioned that I balanced my checkbook and said that I wasn't broke. Smooth move, moron. . . Poor Aunt 'Raine looked like she was about to cry when she said how much money they had. And I think they had just gotten paid, too. :-( I know they wouldn't accept a check from me; they would get mad at me and tell me that I don't have any money either (see five sentences above) and they would probably resent the "charity" anyway. They're the only ones who can give away money to us. We can't give it to them.

I have to go and print our lecture notes for our next class, so I may be back later and I may not. Hope our dinner goes well with them tonight. . .

Dracula

2006-02-15T10:55:00.000-05:00

In one of my classes, we are discussing Bram Stoker's Dracula. Wonderful book. No, I'm not the morbid sort, but I love mystery/horror books, especially from this time period. Pretty much anything historical, I guess. I'm not good at analyzing things, but if someone points them out to me, I sometimes kick myself for not seeing it of my own accord. I love classes like that! If I could take analyzing classes for the rest of my college career (hopefully only one semester left) and provided I didn't have to do the analyzing, I would be a happy camper. :-) We discussed different viewpoints that others have taken in breaking down the book. It's all very interesting. . .

The first view we discussed was "The Monster from Without". Mainly the history and social aspects of 19th C England. Dracula being an immigrant, bringing death, etc. Women being another problem. The story was published only 10 years before women got the right to vote, I think. All of the women in the story are fallible in some way, and need a man to lean on in the end. They are perceived as easily swayed and corruptible.

"The Monster from Within" dealt primarily with Bram Stoker and his view of himself. Did he fear homosexuality in himself? He was good friends with Oscar Wilde, through Henry Irving. Shortly after Wilde was arrested and put on trial, Stoker published the longest book he'd ever written, a two-volume biography on Henry, and Wilde isn't mentioned once! The only two men to die in the fight at the end of the book are Quincy Morris, the most virile and manly of the group, a Texan, self-made millionaire, New World; and Dracula, Old World, aristocratic, also a foreigner, and with homosexual tendencies.

The other view was Sociological, but it was also the longest section, so I'll give you a very brief (maybe) overview. The book has people of all classes and ages. All of society is represented. I'll skip all of the individual character studies. Aristocracy has historically preyed on the lower classes and to change things for the better, all must work together for a common goal.

The last view (okay, you can stop cheering now) was a Biblical parody of the characters. We didn't finish discussing this one yet, but basically every figure in the book can be paralleled to a character from the Bible. Pretty cool stuff. We didn't find one person, though. Where is the Christ figure? But we'll be adding to this on Monday, so it's all good. :-) Not that I'll be adding to it. You can breathe your sigh of relief now.

Boy, this is a long post. Quick plug: Yahoo Music rocks! I'm getting all kinds of good stuff today. I got Sarah Brightman, Michael Crawford, Wicked, and now JCS. Anyway, hope anyone who reads this is having a good day.

I am obsessed

2006-02-11T21:40:00.000-05:00

I'm obsessed with the internet. Is there an internet-addicts anonymous somewhere? If I have nothing to do -and even if I do!- I will gravitate to the computer. To heck with the TV! There's next-to-nothing worth watching on there anyway. If I could have a job that simply consisted of surfing the net, I'd take it in a heartbeat. Am I sad or what? Or a job that let me read books or listen to musicals all day. Not analyze, just read or listen. I need a life, that's what I need. Oh, I finally got around to doing my homework last night. Got good grades on my tests, too, thank God. :-) I was kinda rushing, so I didn't think I'd do all that well on the tests. Now it's just a matter of keeping my procrastination tendencies at bay. . . We'll see how well that goes.

Nothing New

2006-02-09T19:10:00.000-05:00

I lead a very dull life. School, work, school, work. . .
I tell myself that when I get on the computer that I will have willpower and go straight to my homework (an online class). You see how good that works for me. Anyway, now that you know that I'm procrastinating, maybe I can get to my homework.

First Post Continued

2006-02-08T22:30:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to add that after all this time on the computer, I still haven't done my homework. Yup, definitely a procrastinator. I'll do it tomorrow when I get home from work. Maybe.

First Post

2006-02-08T21:11:00.000-05:00

Well, now I'm a bit nervous about this. . .

Seems as though I took a name partially in use. So that means when people search for her, they'll find me, too. Oh well, I was asking for it when I took it, right? :-) I do like the character. Nessa rocks! And I think I need to get out of the CATS craze for a while. I haven't changed my screen name for anything in God-knows how long. At least it's not something potentially embarassing that will haunt me later, like "Squishy penguins" or something like that. . .

A bit about me, since I don't know where all of the profile stuff is yet: I'm a college student, who will hopefully be graduating in December with a degree in Music Studies, emphasis on History. God, that sounds dull. . . I love musicals. Lots of them. Just saw Wicked, if you couldn't guess. ;-) And I should be doing homework; that's another thing I have a lot of. Ugh.

I s'pose that's enough for a first post here, huh?